Dating a liar

Joel writes (and sings), “If you search for tenderness, it isn’t hard to find. But if you search for truthfulness you might just as well be blind, it always seems to be so hard to give.” Joel describes honesty as “such a lonely word,” and “hardly ever heard,” which is a testament to the fact that most likely you are not alone in your difficult quest to find pure honesty in a relationship. My favorite example goes back quite a few years and involves a guy I was dating who told me he had to cancel our date on a Sunday afternoon to have lunch with his mom. He or she all of a sudden gets a password on their phone 9. Keep in mind that if the person you are dating does one of these 11 things, that doesn’t always mean he or she is a liar. He had his arm around a woman who looked no older than 22. Adoring his love for his mother, I happily understood and decided to head to a Cubs game with one of my girlfriends. When you ask a direct question, he or she can’t look you in the eye. There are some innocent men and women who have passwords on their i Phones or who might plan a long business trip that has nothing to do with an intention to cheat. You will want to trust him and you will say, “Tell me something to make me believe it’s not true.” He will try but you will know it’s too late.You will sob and you will fall to the ground and you will even apologize to him for not trusting him because an hour ago he was the love of your life.

I’ve been systematically exposing my boyfriend’s lying ways over the last few months.

I learned to do my research up front when something looked/seemed suspicious.

After my suspicions were confirmed, I’d ask him about what he said, giving him an opportunity to come clean.

At this point the habit gets disrupted, maybe not broken, but at least disrupted.

From there I began to weave into conversations (in appropriate contexts) that he has a demonstrated history of not telling the truth, just to reinforce that I don’t automatically buy everything he says now.

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