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When I was sixteen, my sister and I were helping my grandmother organize some old photographs.I'd just gone through a particularly harrowing breakup (it involved the bitter division of Wesley Snipes film bootlegs on VHS, to provide both historical and raw emotional context). Who said you have to go straight to a relationship? A couple of weeks ago I wrote about why dating is a discovery phase for fact finding. I don’t want to get into a relationship too quickly?It was jarring to find out that our great aunt had basically spent her youth as the whore of Babylon. You're going to date Veronica _and _her best friend A lot of my friends, male and female, followed this kind of "Medieval Courtly Love, With Blowjobs" model well into college, like knights and ladies with bitterly divorced parents.(Although, I guess she broke for Sunday, so there was that.)I don't know if it's because of Cameron Crowe movies or disease panic or protracted adolescence, but my generation believed that when you really liked somebody, you should like them solely and exclusively, even obsessively. But for those of us still single, relad ideas about monogamy and the facility of the Internet have produced a new golden age of slutty aunts.

More and more people I know prefer dating a bunch of people to one; you can be suspended in a kind of single-but-not animation that used to be reserved for old bachelors of indeterminate sexual orientation, and not be considered a jerky health risk.Then when it didn’t work out they’d feel badly…about themselves.No, not the guy who said all of these offensive things or treated a woman disrespectfully.“Men mess up and then we feel badly about it.” One of my best friends in graduate school used to say this.As we swapped stories, too often this was a conclusion we came down to. Another said he was too good for the girl he was dating. Women wishing it was a small drawback and not an indication of something bigger.

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